Unwanted 10kg buoyancy aid

So, I’m fat now. Before we start the post on this, I’d like to say that none of this gives you the right to boost your ego by telling me off for not looking like the perfect woman and not being in the ‘virtuous’ 50% of the UK population who are of a healthy weight. Shit happens, okay. Particularly when you’re stressed and the structure of modern life and the massive food industry are completely against us on this one. And most importantly, it’s totally unhelpful to tell me I shouldn’t be fat. Here’s a rant about why I don’t want to be fat, and why I aim to not be fat in the future:

There are a lot of unexpected discoveries when you gain 10kg over a few months, when that 10kg firmly pushes you into ‘overweight’ territory. Or as I prefer to say, ‘fat’. Because, much as we obsess over it, it’s not weight that’s the issue. Body builders have ‘obese’ BMIs. The issue is that there’s no muscle and a lot of adipose tissue (or to non-biologists, flab).

So, how did I get fat? I've never had a healthy diet. And this year has involved a lot of ice and snow and pain that has prevented me from exercising. In addition, I've been taking Paroxetine, which seems to co-incide with the weight gain. It's a medicine for turning panic attacks into flab.

This doesn’t feel like it happened to me over the last few months. That only occurs to me when I think about it. I feel like I woke up fat one day. I just got up and suddenly that zip didn’t close and I wondered when my belly started to stick out so much. Oddly, the only thing others seem to have noticed is the belly. I worry they’ll think I’m pregnant, particularly as I like to go into toy shops. I know my legs and arse are fatter, though, because I’ve tried to squeeze them into my old jeans in order to put some clothing on to exercise. Being fat makes it harder to exercise, partly because I can’t fit in those jeans any more. Oh, the irony.

I never thought about the cost of buying new, larger clothes as a problem with getting fat.  I mean, I’ve already spent too much money on too much food that made me fat, and then when you reach a notable stage of fatness it costs you even more.  No one warned me about this! They just blabbed on about heart disease.

I’m joking. I do worry about my health. Actually, I’ve got Generalised Anxiety Disorder so I worry about pretty much everything. The fat has, however, prevented some worry. While holding a bread knife this morning, I realized that if I were to collapse and fall on it, the blade now would have to go in further before reaching any internal organs. Hooray!

That is actually one of the reasons we have fat; to protect our insides. Other reasons include warmth, protection from starvation (not that useful living 10 mins from a Nisa), and buoyancy (although I don’t know how well I can swim in this state of unfitness).

 

I’m not sure these benefits really add up when the fat's in excess. I greatly dislike the stretch marks and the way my thighs now squish together and chafe against each other. Other disadvantages are finding I can’t squeeze through tight spaces or past occupied seats in theatres. On the whole, I’d give being fat a 1/10: to be avoided where possible.